One of the points I emphasize often in the Curvy Cupid Course is that you DON’T have to love yourself first, before you start looking for romantic love. If that were the case, so many of us would be waiting…and waiting…and waaaaaiting…before we started putting ourselves out there, thinking we don’t quite love ourselves enough yet.
Instead, we learn to treat self love like a journey rather than just a destination. Self love can come from so many different sources, not least of which is from finding a romantic partner who sees you, who loves you just the way you are. Finding the sources of self love that will work for you can take time.
On Valentine’s Day, it’s worth thinking about how you can work toward loving yourself. How can you work toward treating yourself with the same kindness you would expect from your true love?
Here are a few ideas.
1. Speak positively about yourself – all the time.
Would you tolerate a partner who put you down all the time? I sincerely hope not, lovely. When I see couples in my therapy practice, I do a lot of work with them on speaking to each other with kindness – even during a fight. See if you can make it your goal this Valentine’s to speak to yourself only with warmth and gentleness. Even if sometimes you’re kinda faking it.
2. Touch your body lovingly
One of the best things about having a wonderful partner is touch. Not having a relationship is no reason to deprive your body of touch, both loving and sexual. Notice the times when you might touch your body in anger or disgust – pinching or poking or slapping yourself on the parts you don’t like, maybe – and see if you can change that touch to a stroke or a caress. Take a long, hot bath with lavender bath salts to treat your body right. And for the sexy side of things, check out the sex toys at Curvy Girl Lingerie – Chrystal, the owner, has selected toys that work well for bigger bodies!
3. Buy yourself gifts
If there’s something you want this Valentine’s, see if you can spoil yourself a little. Buy yourself the dress from Torrid or Eloquii that makes you say, “well, I look GOOD in THAT.” Get yourself a bouquet of lilies and a heart-shaped cake. Don’t wait for someone to buy those things for you if you want them now.
4. Encourage yourself to reach for your dreams
In the same way you’d expect a partner to celebrate your strengths and push you toward new challenges, see if you can support yourself in trying new things this year. What are some of the experiences you’ve been avoiding, maybe, because of your size? Many of the women I work with avoid sunbathing in a bikini or wearing a crop top or taking a dance or yoga class. Is there something you used to love that you don’t do anymore? See if you can gently and warmly encourage yourself to reach for the things you want in your life.
And so, we see that there are two sides to this self-love/dating equation: don’t wait until you love yourself to start dating – but also don’t wait for someone to love you first. Don’t put off the moment that you start treating yourself like someone you love.
Start that journey today. And happy Valentine’s Day to you, lovely!
XO, Curvy Cupid (aka Krista)