A few weeks ago I sat down to write you a blog, lovely. I wanted to tell you my dating story, from my first steps into online dating after college to finding my partner. I wanted to tell you so that you could see that every single stall, every misstep, was just a funny anecdote on the way to finding true love.
But I started writing more and more slowly as I worked my way through the memories from those times. And suddenly Facebook demanded my attention, and the kitchen needed to be cleaned. And I put the blog aside. And then I plum “forgot” to come back to it for a few weeks.
The thing that got me was the loneliness of my dating story. The boring first dates that led to brief, detached flings that lasted weeks or a few months. The guys (back when I dated guys) who honestly didn’t seem to feel anything toward me – they just kind of seemed to be tolerating my presence. And I was definitely just tolerating them while trying to transform my indifference into something meaningful.
As I was writing out my story, I realized that I don’t even have real dating “horror stories,” which are really the very best thing to come out of online dating (until you meet your person, of course). You gotta have some good stories to shock your friends with!
But me, I just had guys who talked endlessly about themselves while I tried to act interested. Or the one who confessed his love for someone else on the first date (and yep, we ended up dating for a month after that). The one who didn’t want me to leave my shoes by the door lest his roommate see them and know we were dating (I’m pleased to say we only lasted a week or so after that). The guy who, after dating me for three weeks, told me that all he’d really wanted was a one-night stand and that consequently we were done.
Boring. Detached. Lonely. Me constantly trying to pull some connection out of a person who just seemed to be tolerating me. That’s what my dating story was.
Until I met my partner. Amy was different from the very first date – warm and interesting and interested in me. And when we met up with some of her friends after the date, I laughed so long and hard with them all that my face muscles were sore the next day.
That’s why you’re putting up with your dating story, lovely – no matter where you are in it. If you’re falling asleep with the boredom of the dates you’re going on or if you’re gathering some dating horror stories (lucky you…), none of it matters even a little once you’ve found your person.
Your dating story is not a reflection on you and your worthiness.
Your dating story is not your fault.
It just is. And if it sucks, that’s just because dating sucks. Don’t let that stop you from doing it.